It’s usually in another room
on a Tuesd’y or Saturd’y afternoon
that we find so many of the folk
now gathered round this glass of coke.

Sitting at their tiny table,
eyes a-glued, ears a-closed, minds unable
to think of any other thought,
but how the opposition king can to death be brought.

And when at last the game is o’er,
And we hear the moan of “Why, oh why, did I do that?”
The re-arrangement of the board is then the chore
So as to play once more:
There’s no time to chat!

The game we play is that of chess,
And tonight, to celebrate our year together,
we, as do bishops true, with each other’s company we the other bless,
As we lock the castle door and the knights their horses tether,
To Kings and Queens we’re all promoted.
And everybody else to pawns demoted.

Now where’s young Bill who knew this night much fun we’d share,
he spent a day or two in hospital just to prepare?
But when he couldn’t come himself, he sent along his family, Paula and Debbie, too.
If they followed him to all his chess, they’d have nothing more to do.

For Bill does love his chess, game after game he plays,
And never think you’ll end the game real quick in some very clever ways.
because Bill will fight until the end:
The word “resign” his tongue just cannot send!

Les is here with sister, Janet, who comes along each now and then.
A player strong is Les though his games are often long
for each move takes many minutes – not much less than ten,
But still don’t fall asleep, because suddenly he’ll look at you
and make a move the brilliance of which you’ll surely rue
as he goes on to win the game
and you’ve only got yourself to blame.
And there’s one more truth about Les we must say:
He’s always helping in every way!

Peter is a player strong,
but it’s not always he can come along,
which is a pity, as a game of chess he really enjoys
as he plans and maneuvers and does all sorts of ploys.
He always helps out whenever he’s here
And brings with him a note of good cheer.

Barry and Sue have come along.
About Barry’s play I might be wrong
because I haven’t played him all that much:
He might be scared of me just a touch!
But I think he knows his stuff,
and without much bluff
he’ll go for the kill with an eager will
The game will be gone and it’s Barry who’s had all the fun.

Now Nancy’s here with husband Frank
Who enjoys a game and a bit of a prank.
But with his chess he’s real intense,
Great care with every move, he takes
just to make sure that each play he makes
is absolutely one of sense.

Frank doesn’t talk, he takes his time,
but then he exclaims a terrible whine
when he finds he’s made a stupid mistake.
He didn’t realize how much was at stake,
as the words “check mate” ring in his ears,
confirming his very worst fears.

Mick we haven’t seen for a while
I’ve been told he’s found another sight
With cards and a game that takes some guile
But we know that soon he’ll see the light
For his ratings lie idle while he doesn’t play
this game that once we shared each Saturday.

David here as rolled along and for that we’re very pleased,
Just as when we play with him we’re often very teased.
For its King to D5 and Rook to C1 and all that sort of thing that we need to listen for;
And as we move his pieces here and there we can forget our move we saw,
so that suddenly we find he has us in a fork, or we are in check disclosed and then the fight to win is on and often lost.
It’s David, the victor, and our victory away is tossed.

Rick is the most decisive of all
If he’s like it at home, Mary, I don’t think it would be much of a ball1
When you sit down to play – have a good look at your pieces
Because Rick will have them as quick as he pleases
It’s take this one and then take that one: I’m here for the kill
And he does it so quickly your King has a chill.
With little protection the King’s exposed, it’s all too late:
Rick moves his piece and you’re check mate.

Demir is here – I wish he wasn’t, because his name I cannot spell!
And I’ll tell you what: when I play him sometimes I wish he’d go to hell.
For our games are usually pretty close, a win for me, a win for him,
until we play a tournament and then each time it’s a loss for me and a win for him.
But seeing as we’re evenly matched, I must say Damir,
"You’re a very good player, but next tournament I’ll beat you, never fear."

Such a wonderful group of players so rare
would have to be heard of here and there.
Thus the fame of our club near sea and near sand
reached the ears of one in England.
Alan his name and chess his game,
And when he heard of us so great
He said to Dyles who is his mate,
"Let’s go to Australia:
such a trip would not be a failure!
For chess I could play on the Central Coast
And of England and her sport I could boast."

So out they came and he came for a game
And many more he’s played as on he’s stayed,
and one day, Alan, I’ll have you know:
one of us will beat you, maybe two games in a row.
(and, by golly, I hope it’s me!)

So now we come to Keith.
Keith’s not our president, but of tournaments and ratings he’s the chief.
As well as this, a mean game he does play.
but get him talking, which is not that hard,
then you can make havoc on your day.
Keith is one who knows his theory,
And, when he wins a tournament, he’s really cheerie!

And then we come to one we know,
Our leader and our friend, to whom we owe
the fact that the club keeps going on:
Lorraine it is whom we depend upon.
Week after week she comes along,
gets out the pieces, welcomes the throng,
plays her games, and wins a few,
To her our thanks are surely due.

And so now we come to the end of this thesis.
We’ll finish our meal and all go away.
But we’ll be back again with our boards and our pieces
For we all have many more games to play.
And in case you think I myself I have forgot
And about Robyn I haven’t said a lot,
About us I need not say a thing – no! not even a jot:
You see, I wrote this rot!!

           Adrian McInnes